Will I ever forgive anyone who did not support my natural hair journey or who had anything negative to say about it?
After realizing that the natural hair movement is slowly being understood by people I would never expect to, I am asking myself, will I ever be able to forgive them for not supporting me when I first decided on my own to get into this journey. Obviously, these people I am talking about are very close ones and they also did not tell me to get into any particular journey. It was my choice. My very own choice. Because I was tired of lying to myself and to others.
I was expecting this struggle. To this extent? Never I have imagined it.
Here are 3 reasons why I am actually doing my best to forgive them:
1.They say time heals everything…
The first people I am struggling to forgive are the Black women from my mother’s generation who had been taught to always be perfect and who made sure to transfer this mentality to their daughters.
I believe that I am healing more and more with time to be able to forgive these Black women who taught their Black daughters to be somebody’s rather than somebody.
I am slowly understanding that these Black women were hurt themselves and chose to fit into society’s norm to not continue being hurt. I am also starting to comprehend that it was their time and this is just how things were.
This is what their own mothers taught them as well.
Therefore, I recognized a chain. A chain wrapped with self-hate. A chain that held us into a particular type of slavery. A chain that needed to be broken.
Moreover, I am realizing that they did not know better or did not want to do better because of a lack of, I would want to say lack of strength here but I would not, because for me, doing your best to be someone else is kind of a strong action since you are fighting with nature. Consequently, I would say that they had a lack of persistence when it comes to good changes.
I learned that I cannot judge and I should not.
In their time, Black women would not get a job or a promotion because of their kinky hair. In their time, if they were not fitting into the occidental society’s norms, they would remain at the bottom.
So, I am giving them justice through forgiveness.
2.They say love me for who I am and who I will become…
Secondly, the people I might always struggle to forgive, the ones who put me into situations I would never want to be in again, are men, all men that I went to a date with and who demanded that I kept my hair straight because I looked hotter. Or that even though they clearly realized I had kinky hair, they still managed to tell me that their preference was long and straight hair.
A preference that I respect but, then, why were you here with me wasting my time? Maybe, they expected me to change into their ideal barbie girl once I would fall in love. They taught me that love is all about being someone else. Someone the other loves.
Today, I am forgiving them for a lack of openness. For not wanting to appreciate something different.
Well, there are some men who only love all things unalike, all things exotic… Are they better?
3.They say surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up…
I had let go everyone that did not want to continue being part of this change in my life. I am not expecting everyone to understand this but excuse me for not wanting to be brought down. You know what they say, whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.
To everyone who had mentioned to me:
”You are ugly with your hair like this”
”Can you properly present yourself in public?”
”Why are you going against society’s norms if your goal is to succeed?”
”You will never find the man you want looking like this!”
”Are you going through depression?”
”What is wrong with you?”
”How long this teenager’s rebellion will last?”
”Have you been electrocuted?”
”You were such a beautiful lady before”
”You have wasted all the things you have worked for”
I am forgiving these people for my own peace of mind.
I am moving on.
My natural hair is not a movement anymore.
It is who I have became.