Many people are being minimized and categorized since the day of their birth.
Their life road, including their values, rules and traditions are already planned or imagined for them. It is such a fight to break society’s imagination and be yourself in this world of ours that you are portray as a rebel once you decide to go your way. One thing I have learned is that throughout the years, even with all these rules, values and traditions, you do not discover your identity but you become who you really are. It gets to be your choice to decide whether you want to keep the values, rules and traditions you have been taught in your childhood.
Coming from a culture in which everyone must follow the rules, you learn to stick within your environment even though you feel like there is a whole other world out there. You come to understand from the early age that you must choose your friends from the same background, same values and similar goals. Clearly, because everyone thinks it is easier to manage.
Everything. Is planned.
As soon as you want to accomplish something new, people are afraid until society manages to make you fear yourself. Once you believe that they are afraid for you to fail, afraid for you to hurt yourself; you accept as true that everybody else knows better. However, you continue feeling like you keep living a lie while not acquiring how to accomplish your wishes. In fact, you follow the steps society told you to take until you decide to stop being a sheep.
It’s a battle. Life is a battle.
Wherever you go they destroy who you are whether they feel threatened by your magic or they pretend like you do not deserve to be different.
But, all this to ask yourself, who are they to decide for you. Why do they have so much power on your happiness?
Who is society?
Why can they allow themselves to imagine where, how, what, and who you should be.
You definitely do not know where you stand and you struggle to find your identity because you care. You care about what others think of you. When you should not.
It is so difficult to understand how you could have become like this. You are digging. Digging and digging, until you remember about immigration. Until you realize that even after 14 years, you are wondering whether you have integrated in the dominant culture or if you are still an immigrant. You understand that you have an immigrant identity that will follow you like your shadow throughout your life.
You are thinking.
Maybe you have a dual identity. Maybe you are an integrated immigrant.
You are feeling a bit Canadian & a bit of something else.
You figured that it is mainly not your choice to have left your home country. Neither your parents one. After all, you wanted to leave one chapter in your life behind. Nevertheless, you are now challenged between connecting to your birth culture while satisfying your family members and adopting the habits of the new culture you are slowly learning about.
Which society should you satisfy?
One thing is for sure. Your dream is to finally be free.
Years go by.
It continues to feel like pointless moments with meaningless people. Friendships, relationships, etc. just feel like worthless. You continue asking yourself if ever you would really connect with your new culture. How so?
Different people in your life come and will eventually leave. Why getting attached to people who certainly do not care or only few times show you they do. When you need them the most. They leave.
They disrespect you without thinking right. You shut down. No more connections. This world becomes so painful to live in. But you want to stay.
There are bigger problems. You fight because you are one of the luckiest. Are you?
Sadly, you still fall. Then, you rise. You fall again. You rise one more time. It is hard. You do not know anymore. You cannot ask for help. Because no one understands.
But then again, you do not connect with your inner self. It is such a vicious circle. You try different things. Distinct activities.
Nowhere is home.
What are you really searching for?
If you are looking for excuses, you will find many. What do you want to be?
Or a game changer?
You have to fall into a category if not; you are lost and that is not true. Finally, you know what you want.
You want to fit in the unknown.
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